原文鏈接：How to Be a Good Unschooler
作者：Pam Sorooshian
譯者：Esther

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Foreword by Sandra Dodd: Pam Sorooshian has written something perfectly stunning, and stunningly perfect. She didn’t send a title for it. I’ve called it “How to be a good unschooler,” but it could be “How to be a good parent,” or “How to be a good person.” It’s a summary of some of the best unschooling knowledge of the past dozen and more years. It will help improve families’ lives for years to come.

序言：Pam Sorooshian寫了篇文章，令人拍案叫絕，堪稱完美。她沒有寫標(biāo)題。我將該文章稱為“如何當(dāng)名好的非學(xué)校教育者，”，但也可以稱為“如何當(dāng)名好家長”，或“如何做個(gè)好人。”這是對過去十幾年最佳非學(xué)校教育知識的總結(jié)，有助于改善未來的家庭生活。- Sandra Dodd

Give your love generously and criticism sparingly. Be your children’s partner. Support them and respect them. Never belittle them or their interests, no matter how superficial, unimportant, or even misguided their interests may seem to you. Be a guide, not a dictator. Shine a light ahead for them, and lend them a hand, but don’t drag or push them. You WILL sometimes despair when your vision of what your child ought to be bangs up against the reality that they are their own person. But that same reality can also give you great joy if you learn not to cling to your own preconceived notions and expectations.

1. 慷慨地愛孩子，盡量少批評。當(dāng)孩子的伙伴。支持他們，尊重他們。千萬不要輕視他們或他們的興趣，不論他們的興趣在你看來多么膚淺、多么無足輕重或者誤入歧途。做一個(gè)引導(dǎo)者而不是獨(dú)裁者。在前面為他們點(diǎn)燃一盞燈，助他們一臂之力，但不要拽他們或推他們。有時(shí)，當(dāng)你對孩子的期望和他們就是他們自己這一現(xiàn)實(shí)大碰撞時(shí)，你肯定會絕望。但是，如果你學(xué)會不依賴自己的先入為主和期望，同樣的現(xiàn)實(shí)會帶給你巨大的快樂。

2. Homeschooled children who grow up in a stimulating and enriched environment surrounded by family and friends who are generally interested and interesting, will learn all kinds of things and repeatedly surprise you with what they know. If they are supported in following their own passions, they will build strengths upon strengths and excel in their own ways whether that is academic, artistic, athletic, interpersonal, or whichever direction that particular child develops. One thing leads to another. A passion for playing in the dirt at six can become a passion for protecting the natural environment at 16 and a career as a forest ranger as an adult. You just never ever know where those childhood interests will eventually lead. Be careful not to squash them; instead, nurture them.

2. 居家教育的孩子成長在充滿激勵(lì)而又豐富的環(huán)境中，被關(guān)心他們而又風(fēng)趣的家人朋友所包圍，他們會學(xué)會所有東西，而且不斷會讓你對他們的知識刮目相看。如果支持他們聽從自己的熱愛，他們會力上加力，而且以自己的方式在各自領(lǐng)域表現(xiàn)卓越，不論是學(xué)術(shù)、藝術(shù)、體育、人際關(guān)系、還是孩子發(fā)展的任何具體方向。一件事會導(dǎo)致另一件。六歲時(shí)，狂愛玩泥巴在16歲時(shí)可能會變成環(huán)保達(dá)人，而長大后可以當(dāng)護(hù)林員。你永遠(yuǎn)不會知道童年興趣會產(chǎn)生什么。當(dāng)心不要粉碎了孩子的興趣，要細(xì)心呵護(hù)。

3. Bring the world to your children and your children to the world. Revel in what brings you together as a family. Watch tv and movies and listen to music and the radio. Laugh together, cry together, be shocked together. Analyze and critique and think together about what you experience. Notice what your child loves and offer more of it, not less. What IS it about particular shows that engage your child—build on that. Don’t operate out of fear. Think for yourself and about your own real child. Don’t be swayed by pseudostudies done on school children.

3. 讓孩子接觸世界，把孩子領(lǐng)入世界。因?yàn)槟銈兪且患胰硕駳g，看電視，看電影，聽音樂，聽廣播。一起歡笑，一起哭泣，一起大吃一驚。一起分析、批判、思考你們所經(jīng)歷的。留心孩子喜歡什么，多多提供，而不是減少提供。戲中吸引孩子的東西到底是什么——打造之。不要出于恐懼而行動。想想自己，想想自己的孩子。不要因在學(xué)校兒童上實(shí)驗(yàn)的那些偽科學(xué)而動搖。

4. Surround your child with text of all kinds and he/she will learn to read. Read to them, read in front of them, help them, don’t push them. Children allowed to learn on their own timetable do learn to read at widely divergent times—there is NO right time for all children. Some learn to read at three years old and others at 12 or even older. It doesn’t matter. Children who are not yet reading are STILL learning—support their learning in their own way. Pushing children to try to learn to read before they are developmentally ready is probably a major cause of long-term antipathy toward reading, at best, and reading disabilities, at worst.

4. 讓孩子周圍充滿各種各樣的書，他/她就會學(xué)習(xí)閱讀。給他們讀書，在他們眼前看書，幫助他們，別催他們。能夠按照自己的時(shí)間表學(xué)習(xí)閱讀的孩子學(xué)會的時(shí)間差別很大——沒有適合所有孩子的正確時(shí)間。有些3歲就開始學(xué)習(xí)閱讀，有些12歲甚至更大。沒關(guān)系。還沒有閱讀的孩子仍在學(xué)習(xí)——以自己的方式支持自己的學(xué)習(xí)。在孩子沒有準(zhǔn)備好之前就推著孩子學(xué)習(xí)閱讀可能導(dǎo)致長期厭倦閱讀，這還算是好的，最糟糕的是可能會導(dǎo)致閱讀障礙。

5. It doesn’t matter when something is learned. It is perfectly all right for a person to learn all about dinosaurs when they are 40 years old, they don’t have to learn it when they are nine. It is perfectly all right to learn to do long division at 16 years old, they do not have to learn that at nine, either. It does not get more difficult to learn most things later; it gets easier.

5. 何時(shí)學(xué)東西不重要。一個(gè)人到40歲再學(xué)習(xí)有關(guān)恐龍的一切知識也完全合理，沒必要9歲就學(xué)。16歲再學(xué)長除法也完全沒有問題，也沒必要9歲就學(xué)。稍后再學(xué)習(xí)不會更困難，只會更容易。

6. Don’t worry about how fast or slow they are learning. Don’t test them to see if they are “up to speed.” If you nurture them in a supportive environment, your children will grow and learn at their own speed, and you can trust in that process. They are like seeds planted in good earth, watered and fertilized. You don’t keep digging up the seeds to see if the roots are growing—that disrupts the natural growing process. Trust your children in the same way you trust seeds to sprout and seedlings to develop into strong and healthy plants.

6. 不要擔(dān)心孩子的學(xué)習(xí)進(jìn)度。不要測試看看他們是否“跟得上進(jìn)度”。如果你在充滿支持的環(huán)境中培養(yǎng)他們，你的孩子就會按照自己的速度成長學(xué)習(xí)，而你也可以信任這個(gè)進(jìn)度。他們猶如撒進(jìn)好土的種子，灌溉施肥。你不需要挖開種子來看根部是否生長——那會破壞自然生長過程。像你信任種子會發(fā)芽幼苗會茁壯成長為參天大樹一樣信任你的孩子。

7. Think about what is REALLY important and keep that always in the forefront of your interactions with your children. What values do you hope to pass on to them? You can’t “pass on” something you don’t exemplify yourself. Treat them the way you want them to treat others. Do you want respect? Be respectful. Do you want responsibility from them? Be responsible. Think of how you look to them, from their perspective. Do you order them around? Is that respectful? Do you say, “I’ll be just a minute” and then take 20 more minutes talking to a friend while the children wait? Is that responsible? Focus more on your own behavior than on theirs. It’ll pay off bigger.

7. 想想什么真正重要，在你和孩子互動時(shí)始終把這當(dāng)做頭條原則。你想傳遞什么價(jià)值觀？你無法“言傳”你自己都無法以身作則的品質(zhì)。你希望他們怎么對待別人，就怎么對待他們。你希望他們尊重別人？那你自己要尊重他們。你希望他們有責(zé)任感? 負(fù)責(zé)。想想他們?nèi)绾慰茨?。你是不是對他們發(fā)號施令？那樣尊重嗎？你有沒有說，“就一分鐘”，然后跟朋友講了20多分鐘，讓孩子就那么等著？多關(guān)心自己的行為，而不是盯著孩子的行為。收獲會更大。

8. Let kids learn. Don’t protect them or control them so much that they don’t get needed experience. But, don’t use the excuse of “natural consequences” to teach them a lesson. Instead, exemplify kindness and consideration. If you see a toy left lying in the driveway, don’t leave it there to be run over, pick it up and set it aside because that is the kind and considerate thing to do and because kindness and consideration are values you want to pass on to your kids. Natural consequences will happen, they are inevitable. But it isn’t “natural” anymore if you could have prevented it, but chose not to do so.

8. 讓孩子學(xué)習(xí)。不要過于保護(hù)或控制孩子以致他們得不到需要的經(jīng)驗(yàn)，但也不要用“自然后果”這樣的借口教訓(xùn)他們。要彰顯你的善良和體貼。如果你看到車道上有玩具，別讓玩具就丟在那里被壓壞，撿起來放到一邊，因?yàn)檫@是善良而體貼的行為，也因?yàn)樯屏己腕w貼是你想傳遞的價(jià)值。自然后果會發(fā)生，這不可避免?？扇绻惚究梢宰柚箙s沒有阻止，這就不再“自然”了。

9. We can’t always fix everything for our kids or save them from every hurt. It can be a delicate balancing act—when should we intervene, when should we stay out of the way? Empathy goes a long long way and may often be all your child needs or wants. Be available to offer more, but let your child be your guide. Maybe your child wants guidance, ideas, support, or intervention. Maybe not. Sometimes the best thing you can offer is distraction.

9. 我們不可能為孩子解決所有問題，或者保護(hù)他們不受任何傷害。這可以是一個(gè)巧妙平衡的行為——我們應(yīng)該何時(shí)干預(yù)，何時(shí)退出？感同身受的時(shí)間很長很長，而且通常都是孩子需要或者想要的。盡量多提供幫助，但讓孩子做你的向?qū)?。也許孩子需要指導(dǎo)、想法、支持或干預(yù)。也可能不要。有時(shí)你頂多能提供干擾。

10. Be sensitive to your child’s interest level. Don’t push activities that your child isn’t interested in pursuing. Don’t let YOUR interests dictate your child’s opportunities. If your child wants a pet, be realistic and don’t demand promises that the child will take sole care for it. Plan to care for it yourself when the interest wanes. Do it cheerfully. Model the joy of caring for animals. Model kindness and helpfulness. Help a child by organizing their toys so they are easy to care for. Plan to care for them yourself much of the time, but invite your child’s help in ways that are appealing. If YOU act like you hate organizing and cleaning, why would your child want to do it? Always openly enjoy the results of caring for your possessions—take note of the extra space to play in, the ease of finding things you want, how nice it is to reach into a cupboard and find clean dishes. Enjoy housework together and don’t make it a battle.

10. 對孩子的興趣程度要敏感。孩子不感興趣的東西，不要強(qiáng)加。不要讓你的興趣決定孩子的機(jī)會。如果孩子想要寵物，要實(shí)際，別要求孩子承諾獨(dú)自照顧寵物。準(zhǔn)備好當(dāng)孩子三分鐘熱度過了之后，你要自己照顧。而且要開心地做。給孩子做榜樣，表明照顧動物充滿快樂。給他們做榜樣，告訴他們什么是善良和樂于幫助。幫助孩子整理玩具便于看顧。做好大部分時(shí)間由你清理玩具的準(zhǔn)備，不過可以用巧妙的方式邀請孩子幫忙。如果你表現(xiàn)出來痛恨整理清潔，孩子為什么要喜歡呢？公開享受整理私人物品的成果——記下哪里有可以玩耍的額外空間，如何輕松地找到自己想要的東西，手伸進(jìn)碗櫥可以找到干凈的盤子多么愉悅。一起享受家務(wù)勞動，不要搞得像打仗。

11. Don’t pass on your own fears and hates about learning anything. If you hate or fear math, keep it to yourself. Act like it is the most fun thing in the world. Cuddle up and do math in the same way you cuddle up and read together. Play games, make it fun. If you can’t keep your own negativity at bay, at least try to do no harm by staying out of it.

11. 不要傳遞你對學(xué)習(xí)任何東西的恐懼和厭惡。如果你厭惡或害怕數(shù)學(xué)，自己知道就得了。你還得表現(xiàn)得好像數(shù)學(xué)是世界上最好玩的東西。湊在一起做數(shù)學(xué)，就跟你們湊在一起讀書一樣。游戲，使之變得有趣。如果你不能控制自己的負(fù)面情緒，那么至少置身之外。

12. Don’t try to “make kids think.” They WILL think, you don’t have to make them. Don’t use every opportunity to force them to learn something. They WILL learn something at every opportunity, you don’t have to force it. Don’t answer a question by telling them to “l(fā)ook it up” or by asking them another question. If you know the answer, give it. If you don’t, then HELP them find it. Speculating about an answer often leads to a good conversation. If your child stops seeing you as helpful when they have questions, they’ll stop coming to you with their questions. Is that what you really want?

12. 不要嘗試“讓孩子思考”。他們會思考，你不用強(qiáng)迫他們。不要利用每個(gè)機(jī)會強(qiáng)迫他們學(xué)點(diǎn)東西。他們會在每個(gè)機(jī)會學(xué)東西，你不用強(qiáng)逼他們。不要通過告訴他們“自己查”或者提另一個(gè)問題來回答他們的問題。如果你知道答案，就告訴孩子。如果你不知道，幫助孩子找答案。推測答案通常會產(chǎn)生很好的對話。如果孩子覺得他們有問題時(shí)你也幫不了忙，他們就不會帶著問題來找你了。你真想這樣嗎？

13. When you offer a child choices, be sure they are real choices. Offer them choices as often as you can. Try to limit the “have to’s” as much as you can. Frequently ask yourself, “Is this really a “have to” situation or can we find some choices here?”

13. 當(dāng)你給孩子選擇時(shí)，要確信這些選擇都貨真價(jià)實(shí)。盡量多給他們選擇。盡量限制“不得不”。不斷問自己，“這真是‘必須’的情況，還是我們可以尋找別的選擇？”